While I won't go into all the nitty gritty details, I will say that it was a low point. (Obviously, right?!) I felt all the sad, angry, and ashamed emotions. It was pity party central. The end of my first marriage was unexpected for me and difficult to accept because I'm a strong believer in commitment. Especially in commitments that involve the vows "till death do us part." But end it did, and hindsight is 20/20, and everything happens for a reason, and other so true cliches. And it's all good because for a long time now I have been really thankful for the end of that relationship and for the blessings that my life went a completely different way. So there's that.
But back to the point, the advice or rather the good little nugget of information that I received.
So that fall I was a mess. I worried and I worried and I worried. Why did it happen? What could I have done different? What could he have done different?. What if it happened again with a new person? What if I met someone and they ended up leaving me? Or cheating on me? Or decided that they didn't love me after all? What if I'm meant to be alone forever... Oh my goodness, WHAT IF?!?
I was a hot mess over here you guys. Ugly, snot nosed, red eyed times.
Then my friend, who had seen her own parents go through a terrible divorce after 20+ years of marriage slapped me across the face and told me to get a hold of myself. Just kidding. She actually said something so simple, yet rang so profound. She said, "We only have control over ourselves." Meaning I can only control my own thoughts, my own actions. I have control over how I behave in all my relationships, but I don't have control over someone else's thoughts or actions. (She's a genious!!! Okay she's a pharmacist and I hear you've got to pretty smart to get through that program.)
In all seriousness though, how freeing!
Whenever I let worry get the best of me over what someone else is thinking, doing, or feeling I remind myself of what my very smart and clever friend said to me that year. It helps me to focus on the things I do have control over which is being the best wife, mother, daughter, and friend that I can be.
This post is part of Blogtember, a September Blog Challenge.